So, the last week has been a real struggle for me to do what is required of me right now. I am continually drawn to be “doing something” for the adoption. I feel as if that is where I am, that is where God has called me . . . but that is not where I am yet and even though it is where God has called me to go, it is not where I have been called to go immediately. I am finding it very difficult to understand that I have also been called to be a student at the moment and that that is an important job – one in which God has called me to complete. I feel this need to abandon my current callings and just leap head first into this adoption calling. Matthew has been a real strength but it is hard to go to class on Tuesdays and Thursdays when I miss my children and feel this unbelievable urge to go home and hug them, kiss them, play and read with them and tug them in at night!
I have an exam tomorrow in my NeoClassical and Romantic Art History course and I have been unable to study for it. I continue to think that I can sneak off to the computer and work on our narratives for our home study or start collecting some of the paperwork needed for our dossier. All the while, I know in my heart and in my head that this is not what I am being called to do at the moment. How does one find balance? I have been praying constantly and have asked almost everyone I know to be praying for me but I am continuing to struggle with this and it is not getting any easier. Please, continue to pray for us and for God’s continued strength and support!
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