We've Moved

Visit us at our new home....www.raisincakes.viviti.com

Drive-By Culture

Drive-by Culture from Love isn't Enough: On Raising a Family in a Colorstuck World, by Anti-Racist Parent Columnist Jae Ran Kim, originally published at Harlow's Monkey.

"People ask me all the time for a "top 10" list of suggestions or rules that are must-do's regarding transracial adoption, and I'll admit that I have a really hard time doing this.

Mostly, it's because there is no easy prescription or formula for getting it right. This was pretty clearly demonstrated in the adult adoptee panel I spoke on this past weekend. The other two panelists and I had three very different experiences growing up. I am the only Korean child, with two younger siblings biological to my parents, and I grew up in a small town with no diversity at all and a community that did not understand racism or the effects of being the only person of color in a community. One of my fellow co-presenters is a mixed race adoptee with two white siblings (like me) but in a diverse setting with parents who understood the importance of diversity and actually pushed "culture" on her. And the other presenter was adopted with his biological brother and spent parts of his childhood in rural, suburban and inner city settings with liberal parents.

And yet - all three of us as adults had come to the same conclusion. It was not enough. We all struggled with our racial identity. We all felt like outsiders within our family and outsiders within our racial communities. It's not that we didn't feel loved, because I know that each of us on the panel never felt excluded or differentiated in that sense.

Understandably, this is confusing for prospective adoptive parents and adoptive parents. One audience member asked with clear frustration - what are they to do? Where is the balance? They don't want to push too much, like my co-presenter's parents nor ignore completely, like mine did. And I wish I could have given this prospecitve adoptive parent a more satisfactory answer.

The advice I can give is that each child will be different and their needs will be different over time. But, the choice to be involved in the child's community should never be dependent on the child.

What do I mean by that? Well, I mean that there will be times that the child won't want to attend culture camp, language lessons, or have tacos on Tuesday and egg rolls on Wednesday. But beign part of the child's community is more than those things, which amount only to cultural tourism. Being part of the community is dependent on the adults. The parents....It's not about "dropping the kids off at the curb" and coming back to pick them up later. That suggests that culture and diversity is the kid's job.

Sue at My Life Postponed has a great post about why she has her kids involved in cultural school. My favorite part is this:

"I don't take my kdis to culture school for the things they will learn...I take them there for the relationships. If I cannot model comfort with people of their own origin, then they will pick that up very fast and feel and reflect my own discomfort. I am not always comfortable but I have kept faking practicing comfort, as best I can, until it becomes more natural and it truly has. And once in awhile, in the midst of what fells like a whole lotta posing, an authentic connection just happens."

Remember my previous post where I mention how in the film Outside Looking In, none of the prospective adoptive parents did their "homework" of spending time in a community of color? I thought of this when I read the following from Sue:

"Sometimes I have to be the first to say hello, and have to smile a few tiems before the ice gets broken and sometimes the ice remains regardless of my effort and I take the cue to step back. I am also learning that just because someone is not immediately smiling and opening their heart to me, that does not mean they are hostile. Maybe they are shy, maybe they don't know what to make of our family, maybe there is a language barrier, maybe they have a headache, maybe they have mixed feelings about the environment or someone else nearby and I am taking a vibe - not meant for me - personally.

Community building is not easy for any of us. But we sure can make it easier for each other, if we keep trying. It requires vulnerability, and it requires persistence, and a lifetime commitment. Oh and a thick skin. It all starts with some basic manners, which can be difficult to remember when we are feeling plagues by all kinds of discomfort that systemic racism has taught us.

It's a responsibility that for our children's sake, we transracially adoptive parents should not evade. If we want our children to know that we accept them for exactly who they are, a genuine desire to be with and respect people who share their ethnic background is an important aspect of showing - rather than saying - how we feel."

For the adoptive parents reading this blog, I have a question that you don't have to answer - but please think about. When was the last time you participated in your child's community without using your child as your emotional crutch? That is, for you and you alone - not to "expose" your child to his/her community. Just for you. When was the last time you placed yourself in your child's community and left your child at home? Or do you feel more comfortable going into "their" community only when they are with you? Do you see it as "their" community, or is it truly the whole family's community?

There will likely be a time when Junior will say "forget it" and will refuse to go to culture camp or culture school. But he'll be watching. Watching to see if your involvement with "his people" ends if he decides to take a break.

Please read Sue's post. I thought it was honest and heart felt and a great example for adoptive parents.

Jae Ran Kim, MSW is a social worker, teacher and writer. She was born in Taegu, South Korea and was adopted to Minnesota in 1971. She has written numerous articles and essays and is most recently published in the anthology "Outsiders Within: Writings on Transracial Adoption" from South End Press." Jae Ran's blog is Harlow's Monkey.

Moving Forward....Again

Once again we are moving forward with our adoption. Things had been put on hold again due to a stressful situation at our church. After much time spend in discussion with each other, much more time spent in prayer and some very encouraging words from a member's daughter we are again moving forward.

Our case worker with LSS will receive our background checks this week. Our case worker with CHSF will finally receive our questionnaire next week and then we move forward with our dossier.

We could still use prayers as always but God has given us strength and peace to continue on this journey!

Appointment & Orphan Ministry

So, I have finished up the homestudy paperwork finally (we missed a few things) and I redid the background checks since they are no longer good. Now I just need to go and see a therapist who will write something up that my post-partum issues are resolved and I will be just fine parenting more kids. I had an appointment last week but it was snowing and the road were not the greatest so I cancelled it. Now Matthew is going to reschedule it for me since I have lost my voice today.

Hope also received a call from a pastor at Beautiful Savior Lutheran Church in Plover, WI about joining them in their orphan ministry. It turns out that the pastor and his wife from Beautiful Savior adopted children from Ethiopia. We have also made other numerous connections with families in the area who have adopted or are planning on adopting from Ethiopia and there is growing interested in starting up a group of families to meet every now and then to keep our childrens' culture alive.

In other news I am attempting to put together a Q&A section regarding our adoption. So look for that in the days to come.

Still Waiting!

Ahhhhh! We are still waiting on paperwork. It is so frustrating at times...no, change that, it is always frustrating.

I am trying to look at this hold up as giving us more time to prepare for our adoption and our children's homecoming but it is difficult.

Prayers would be greatly appreciated. Blessings to you all!

Paperwork

That may seem like a never-ending theme here in our house and that is because, well...it is! Hopefully the last of it (for this portion) will go out by Friday. Big plans...I know and I am so good at following through on those big plans all the time.

I have been having trouble reaching a doctor who needs to write a letter for our file. It has been so frustrating and if I can't get a hold of him I am not sure what the next step is.

Prayers would be helpful!

Will the paperwork ever end?

It really is amazing how much paperwork is required to proceed with an international adoption (it might be the same for domestic adoptions... I don't know). It just makes you wonder, is part of the reason for all the questions we answer (many of which are the same questions answered multiple times on multiple forms to multiple recipients) designed to test our endurance? I wonder sometimes how many prospective adoptive parents (people who have oodles of love to share) just get lost in all the forms that must be filled out and never proceed to the end stage of the adoption process? How many more orphaned or abandoned children who desperately need homes would receive them if adoption were a little bit easier and a little less expensive?

I continue to pray that God would help guide us through the remainder of this process and pray that God place a loving parent in the life of every needy child. God's love, after all, is unlimited, boundless, unconditional, and free... would that we could shower that love of God everywhere it's needed.

Homestudy Interview Complete

Our homestudy interview and visit is complete...yay!

Now it is on to:

• the I-600A forms...check,
• passport application/renewal paperwork...check,
• second part of our CHSFS application...almost,

Two out of three isn't bad :)

New Sea in Ethiopia

Is a new sea forming in Ethiopia? Kind of...but it will take another million years or so for it to fully form.

"A Crack Opens in the Ethiopian Landscape, Preparing the Way for a New Sea"

From Discover

November 4th, 2009 11:07 AM

by Eliza Strickland

In 2005, the earth cracked open in Ethiopia. Two volcanic eruptions shook the desert, and a 35-mile-long rift opened in the land, measuring 20 feet wide in some places. Now a new study adds weight to the argument that the opening of this crack marks the first step in the formation of a new sea that may eventually separate East Africa from the rest of the continent. Says lead researcher Atalay Ayele: “The ocean’s formation is happening slowly, likely to take a few million years. It will stretch from the Afar depression (straddling Ethiopia, Eritrea and Djibouti) down to Mozambique” [ABC News].

The study, to be published in the journal Geophysical Research Letters, explains that the seismic movements observed in Ethiopia are very similar to the changes wrought by faults and fissures on the seafloor, where the processes that move tectonic plates usually begin.

Seismic data from 2005 shows that the rift opened in a matter of days. Dabbahu, a volcano at the northern end of the rift, erupted first, then magma pushed up through the middle of the rift area and began “unzipping” the rift in both directions, the researchers explained in a statement today. “We know that seafloor ridges are created by a similar intrusion of magma into a rift, but we never knew that a huge length of the ridge could break open at once like this” [LiveScience], says study coauthor Cindy Ebinger.

The active volcanic region in Ethiopia’s Afar desert sits at the boundary of the African and Arabian tectonic plates, which have been gradually spreading apart for millions years; the new study shows that large-scale seismic events can speed up that process. The gradual separation has already formed the 186-mile Afar depression and the Red Sea. The thinking is that the Red Sea will eventually pour into the new sea in a million years or so [LiveScience].

Homestudy Interview

Our homestudy interview with LSS is scheduled for November 18, 2009!

Next up: Second part of our CHSFS paperwork.

PRAISE BE TO GOD!

Doro Wat

Perhaps the best-known of all Ethiopian, or even African recipes, Doro Wat (Doro Watt, Doro Wot, Doro Wet, Doro We't, Dorowat) is a spicy chicken dish made with berberé and niter kibbeh (or nit'ir qibe, a spicy clarified butter). Berberé and niter kibbeh, basic ingredients in many Ethiopian recipes, are usually made in large quantities and kept on hand for some time. No doubt using berberé and niter kibbeh gives a special quality to Doro Wat. However, I am told that a very good result can be obtained by adding some easier to find ingredients from an American grocery store.

Our family loves this dish served over injera and yes, even the boys like it!

Ingredients:

1 lime, juiced (or lemon)

2 teaspoons salt

1 chicken (about 3 pounds), cleaned and cut into serving-size pieces, remove skin and score or pierce the meat with a knife to facilitate marinating, reserve wings, gizzard and neck for other use

2 (or more) red onions, finely chopped

4 tablespoons niter kebbeh or butter

4 cloves garlic, finely chopped or minced

1 piece fresh ginger root, cleaned, scraped, and chopped (about a teaspoon)

1/2 teaspoon fenugreek, ground

1/2 teaspoon cardamom, ground

1/2 teaspoon nutmeg, ground

1/2 teaspoon berberé or 1 to 2 tablespoons of a combination of cayenne pepper and paprika (if berberé and niter kebbeh are not used)

1 small tomato, chopped or a few tablespoons tomato paste or tomato sauce (optional)

1 cup dry red wine, chicken stock or water

hard-boiled eggs (1 per person), pierced with a toothpick or the tine of a long fork.

Directions:

In a bowl, combine the lime juice, half the salt, and chicken pieces. Let chicken marinate for 30 minutes to an hour.

Cook the onions over medium heat for a few minutes in a dry (no oil) pot or dutch oven large enough to eventually hold all of the ingredients. Stir constantly to prevent them from browning or burning; remove the pot from the heat if necessary.

Add the niter kebbeh or butter to the onions, along with the garlic, ginger, fenugreek, cardamom, nutmeg, remaining salt, berberé (or cayenne pepper and paprika), and tomato. Stir and simmer for a few minutes until te onions are soft, tender, and translucent, but not browned.

Add the dry red wine, chicken stock or water. Bring the mixture to a low boil while stirring gently. Cook for a few minutes, then reduce heat.

Add the chicken pieces, making sure to cover them with the sauce. Cover and simmer for 30 to 40 minutes – or until the chicken is done – turning the chicken a few times.

After the chicken has been cooking for 20 minutes, gently add the hard-boiled eggs and ladle sauce over them.

Serve hot. The only traditional way to serve Doro Wat is with a spongy flat bread called injera, which can only be properly made with difficult-to-obtain teff flour. However the recipe found here can be made with whole wheat flour. While it's not the way Ethiopians would serve it, Doro Wat is very good with couscous, rice, or Middle-Eastern or Indian style flat bread.

Berbere

In Ethiopia, the preparation of berbere takes days — chilies are dried in the sun for three days, then ground in a mortar and pestle, mixed with ground spices, and set in the sun to dry again — and it is usually made in huge amounts.
Each Ethiopian family has its own recipe for this universal seasoning, with varying degrees of heat and spiciness. Traditionally, berbere is used to flavor Ethiopian stews, such as Doro Wat, but it also works well as a rub for meat.

Store in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to 3 months.

Ingredients:

• 1 teaspoon fenugreek seeds
• 1/2 cup ground dried Serrano chilies or other ground dried chilies
• 1/2 cup paprika
• 2 tablespoons salt
• 2 teaspoons ground ginger
• 2 teaspoons onion powder
• 1 teaspoon ground cardamom, preferably freshly ground
• 1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
• 1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon ground allspice

Directions:

Finely grind the fenugreek seeds with a mortar and pestle (if you are strong enough) or in an electric spice or coffee grinder (like this weak girl does). Stir together with the remaining ingredients in a small bowl until well combined.

Hair care (in case I have girls)

This is something I never thought of...what if I have girls? How do I care for their hair? My friend, Cathy, has told me of the difficulties of it but what happens when I actually have to care for a girls hair (other than my own)?

Another mother pointed this out to me....just in case I have girls :)

Thought you all might benefit from this adoptive mom's tutorials, it was really
helpful to me.
http://www.youtube.com/user/Katelynylyn

"I originally made this channel to help other adoptive mothers who were trying
to navigate the waters of styling and caring for hair that was different from
their own. I am so happy that so far, many people, not just adoptive parents,
have found my videos to be helpful. I do not claim to have any expertise, just a
few years of trial and error. I love doing my girls hair and I hope to help
others enjoy it too!"

Timeline

A lot of people have been asking exactly what our timeline is. So I thought I would write on that today.

We have completed all the paperwork for our homestudy and will be scheduling the interviews the next few days. Our psych evaluations will be completed this Thursday and will take about one week to turn that paperwork in to LSS.

Once our homestudy is completed we will have to send out our dossier to CHSFS and then on to Ethiopia. Once our dossier is submitted (about one to four months from now) we will have to wait 12 to 18 months for a referral which depends on the ages of the children, gender preferences, medical conditions we are willing to accept, etc. Once we accept a referral, then we wait 3 to 5 months until we travel to Ethiopia for a 10 day stay.

It will be awhile yet, but well worth the wait!

Know the question...be the answer!

What a great campaign to raise awareness of such a horrible global crisis. Visit JCICS (Joint Counsil on International Children's Services and their campaign site, Be The Answer.

Tef

Tef (Eragrostis tef) – also known as Lovegrass – is a poppy seed-sized grain that comes in a variety of colors, from white and red to dark brown. It is able to withstand high heat and bright light and thrives even in unpredictable and difficult climates. Tef grows predominantly in Ethiopia and comprises the staple grain of the cuisine. Ground into flour, teff is used to make the traditional bread, injera. This flat bread – not as thick as a pancake but not as thin as a crepe – is slightly sour and nicely complements the exotic spices found in Ethiopian cuisine.

The word tef is thought to originate from the Amharic word teffa which means lost, due to the small size of the grain). Tef's history can be traced back thousands of years to the ancient civilizations of Abyssinia. This grain was also placed in the pyramids together with pharaohs as food for their last journey.

Tef Trivia:

• Eragrostis tef borrows its name from Greek, to mean "the grass of love" from eros (love) love, and agrostis (grass).
• Three thousand grains of tef weigh one gram.
• Tef is the smallest grain in the world. It takes about 150 teff seeds to equal the weight of a kernel of wheat!
• Teff is extremely high in fiber, iron, and calcium.

For some great tef recipes visit Purdue University or The Teff Company. For an easy and tasty injera recipe visit Cooking Light.com.

Prayer request

Please pray for a little Ethiopian boy named Elias who is ill and was taken to a hospital in Ethiopia. His soon-to-be forever family has not received much information on what is wrong. It could be the flu but they are not sure. Keep Elias, his family and the doctors in your prayers!

The following is modified from "The Celebration of ‘Maskal’ – Finding of the True Cross" by Ermias Gulilat and "Finding of the True Cross" by The Ethiopian Tourism Commission.

Meskal has been celebrated in the country for over 1600

 years and has become an integral part of the Ethiopian 

Christian calendar. The word actually means "cros" and the feast commemorates the discovery of the cross upon which Jesus was crucified, by the Empress Helena, the mother of Constantine the Great. The original event took place on 19 March 326 AD. but the feast is now celebrated on 27 September. Many of the rites observed throughout the festival are said to be directly connected to the legend of Empress Helena.

By the middle of the afternoon the celebrations start. 

Many are seen wearing their brilliant white Ethiopian costumes. Meskal also signifies the physical presence of part of the True Cross at the church of Egziabher Ab, the remote mountain monastery of Gishen Mariam located north of Addis Ababa. In this monastery, there is a massive volume called the Tefut written during the reign of Zera Yacob (1434 - 1468), which records the story of how a fragment of the cross was acquired. A colorful procession of priests, deacons and choir boys and girls of Sunday schools wearing embroidered robes walk around a huge pyre, bearing ceremonial crosses and wooden torches decorated with olive leaves. As the sun begins to set, the torch-bearers move forward in unison to set alight the slender pyramid-shaped structure, topped with a cross made from the yellow flowers known as Maskal daisies which are placed on the tallest central pole.

The crowd of spectators are kept at bay while visitors are allowed to enter the inner circle in accordance with the Ethiopians age-old tradition of hostility. The casually dressed tourists form an incongruous contrast as they brandish their cameras, while around them the procession of proud clergy clad in dazzling ceremonial robes chant as they perform this ancient rite.

The origins of the celebration are expressed in the Ethiopian manuscript of parchment. It is said to date back to the discovery of the Byzantine Queen of Helena of the cross on which Jesus Christ was crucified. According to the manuscript, in the 20th year of the reign of her son Constantine, she set off for Jerusalem in search of the ‘life giving cross,’ which she eventually found after many trials and tribulations. She is said to have forced the Jews to reveal the whereabouts of this ‘Honourable Cross’, which allegedly lay under the hill of Golgotha, formed from sweepings, ashes and offal piled on the grave of Jesus Christ.

Helena is said to have found the Cross by lighting incense and following the smoke as it descended to earth. She caused bonfires to be lit on the hills of Palestine which could be seen across the sea by the people of Constantinople.

So how did the rediscovered cross come to Ethiopia? According to Tefut, a massive volume dating from the 15th Century which records the detailed story of the acquisition of a fragment of the True Cross by Ethiopia. The Christian Kings of Ethiopia were often called upon in the early Middle Ages to protect Egyptian Copts against the Egyptian Muslims. In return for this delivery from Muslim persecution, fabulous gifts of precious gold were offered to Ethiopian Emperor Dawit. He rejected these offerings and asked instead for four pieces of the True Cross, which were under the custody of the patriarch of Alexandria. The request was granted and the pieces brought to Ethiopia. They were guarded on the journey by torchbearers and then deposited in a church at Gishen, in northern Wollo dedicated to the Virgin Mary. Rejoicing followed throughout the whole country and the Emperor ordered that the capes of the priests be embroidered with flowers. Since that day, Ethiopian Christians are believed to have commemorated the occasion  with flaming torches and huge bonfires.

Emperor Dawit’s fourth son, Zara Yacob, succeeded him as Emperor and, when he was a very old man, dreamt that God ordered him to ‘place the cross upon a cross.’ Zara Yacob spent two years in abstinence, searching in seclusion, and at last discovered a mountain shaped like a cross. There he built the beautiful church of Egziabher Ab, and a fragment of the True Cross was kept within a gold box in the church. The priests of Gishen still safeguard this treasure along with the Tefut which is handwritten in Ge’ez on beautiful parchment.

Today Maskal is a religious and joyful annual social occasion that Christians throughout the country look forward to each year. Both women and men wear their national clothes, while youths boast and compete in fights with sticks. There is also jesting as well as flirting and courting sanctioned by the festival. These days, people return from the capital parade to their houses and bring the torches called Chibbo, to neighbourhood bonfire gatherings. The torchbearers chant as they circle the pyre, the Damera, (literally stack or pile of wooden torches), which are covered with cloth until a priest blesses it. The torchbearers then hurl their flames into the midst of the Dameras, while the gathering watches the blaze light up the night sky. On the following day people go to the bonfire and make the sign of the cross on their foreheads with the ash.

A HUGE thank you!

I would like to extend a HUGE thank you to Aloft in Green Bay, WI. They have just helped us out tremendously! If you ever get the chance to visit them...do so. The place is awesome, the staff is friendly and they care about people. While you are there be sure to check out the "sassy" glass in the water closets and the water tiles in the lifts. In addition, their bar, w xyz has fantastic drinks which you can enjoy in their backyard. Right, Lindsay?!

Thank you to Cathy and the rest of the staff at Aloft. You are AMAZING!

Back on

Our adoption is back on track after a short break. We really needed that little bit of time to get our current family settled in before continuing on this adventure.

Matthew and I attended our 7 1/2 hours of mandatory adoption education (the state of Wisconsin mandates a total of 18 hours for all adoptions). We have another two days of courses...one more 7 1/2 hours and one more four hour class complete with ethnic potluck dinner and family presentations.